Scar Wars
by ChocoDragon
Summary: NEVER watch Star wars at 10:00 on a Saturday night. Strange things can happen. VERY strange...


Ne 1 notice how there's a bloke called Wedge (Rouge 3) in the credits to Star Wars II- The Empire Strikes Back? It's a Squaresoft conspiracy, I tell ya! George Lucas- Sakaguchi in disguise!... or is it the other way around?...  
  
Warning- This was written at 11:00 at night in 30 mins. . The most Insane ones only come out at night, right? Just a warning...  
  
DISCLAIMER- I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS OF STAR WARS OR FFVIII. JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY GET THAT...  
  
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Hyperactive ChocoDragon presents...  
An Ultrasonic madness interactive production...  
[Sponsored by Sugarside cola- sip and feel the rush!]...  
  
SCAR WARS  
  
Scene- a grey ship. Well, duh!  
  
A large brown furry thing walks in  
Furry thing- GRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!  
Princess Rineia- Zellbacca, I've told you before, there are no hot- dogs on the ship.  
Zellbacca- RRRRRAAAAAGGGGGOOOOO??????  
Rineia- No, were nowhere near a Little Chef  
Zellbacca- HHHHHRRRRRAAAAA???  
Rineia- Or a Happy Eater.  
Zellbacca- RRRREEEEEEEE????  
Rineia- Grrrrrr...  
Zellbacca- GGRROO-HOOO-HOOO- HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
(Irn Salo walks in)  
Irn- The hells he wailing for?  
Rineia- Food.  
Irn- Oh. Wanna make out??  
Rineia- NO!!!  
Irn- Oh. Not even if I shut him up?  
Rineia- (Looks thoughtful) ... NO!!!  
Leon Squallker- Lay and hand on her and die, Salo!!!  
Irn- Hah! Just cos she's you're sister!  
Leon- Is not!  
Irn- Is too!  
Leon- Is NOT!!!  
Irn- Is TOO!!!  
Leon- Is not to infinity!  
Irn- Is not to Infinity plus one!  
Leon- ...damn...  
Watt-3PO- But sir, that's not possible sir, one couldn't possibly add one to infinity sir, as infinity would go over that one sir, and over, and over, and... oh sir, i'm in a right muddle.  
Selfoo-D2- BLLLEEEPP WIIIRRRR BLLEPYY  
Watt-3PO- Oh, shut it.  
Selfoo-D2- BLLEE WOOOO!!!  
Watt-3PO- No, I most certainly will not stick it up there sir, little miss I rule cos I'm small and squeaky sir!  
Selfoo-D2- BBOOOOOoooooooo...  
Irn- He didn't mean it, Selfoo  
Watt-3PO- I most certainly did, sir!  
Selfoo-D2- BLLLLLLRRRR!!! (Blows a robotic raspberry at Watt-3PO)  
Watt-3PO- Hah, why, hoo, I'm most utterly offended sir!  
Quoda- Feel the force of the GF, young robot  
Irn- Oh god, the green things talking again...  
Quoda- I have many years of wisdom on thou, young SeeD. It would be wise to heed my advice.  
Leon- 'K, then... we're at a crossroads. Do we go left, or right?  
Quoda- The metaphorical crossroad of life is one you must negociate yourself  
Leon- Not a metaphorical crossroad...  
Quoda- The road to your emotions takes many paths. Only by choosing the correct one alone will you gain true happiness.  
Rineia- Oh, god dammit! It's a normal crossroads! A real, bog standard crossroad in a road, and as you have the bloody map, give us some bloody directions!!  
Quoda- Oh, okay then, go left.  
(Lori wan Laguni appears)  
Lori wan- Heed the advice of the wise one, she knows what she's talking about.  
Leon- Why, cos she's old and wise?  
Lori wan- Nah, she took GCSE Geography.  
Leon- Oh.  
  
2 HOURS LATER...  
Zellbacca- LLLLLRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHGGGGGG???  
Irn- Sorry Z, I dunno where the hell we are (Over shoulder) Yo, Quoda, the hell are we?  
Quoda- The information you seek is shrouded in mystery  
Irn- In english...  
Quoda- We're lost  
Rineia- Whaaaat?  
Lori wan- I said she took Geography, I never said she passed...  
Zellbacca- GGGRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!  
Selfoo-D2- BLEE WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO BLEE BLOOOOO!  
Watt-3PO- Oh, however do I get into these messes, sir, I always end up in a bigger muddle than when I started, might I add  
(Darth Seider appears)  
Darth Seider- Leon, (breath) I am your (breath) father.  
Leon- NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
Lori wan- Check ya lines, matey, cos I'm his frickin father!  
Leon- ... I... have... 2... dads??.....  
Darth Seider- (breath) Brother... (breath) father... (breath) whatever... (breath) I'm (breath) still (breath) gonna (breath) kick (breath) your (breath) ass!!! (breath)  
Rineia- All that time I heard that heavy breathing down the phone... Seider, do you do that to all the girls?  
Darth Seider- Silence! (breath) For (breath) I (breath) will (breath) kick (breath) Leon's (breath) ass (breath) with (breath) my (breath) superior (breath) thought (breath) level!(breath)  
Leon- Hah! You gotta get past my LightBlade first!   
(Darth Seider pulls out a garden hose, aims it at Leon, and turns on the tap)  
Leon- AAAAHHHH! My arm's short- circuiting! Goddamn Microsoft, why can't they make waterproof hardware!  
Seider- He- (breath) he!!! (breath)  
Leon- Good job I'm ambidextrous!  
Seider- ...damn...  
Irn- God, he must be pissed. He didn't even breathe...  
(Seider and a left- handed Leon begin to lightblade fight)  
Rineia- 10 quid on Seider!  
Leon- Hey!  
Irn- You're on!  
Zellbacca- GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOO!!!!  
(Zellbacca runs to Darth Seider, who's got a hotdog in his pocket)  
Darth Seider- Oh shit.  
(Zellbacca takes the hotdog and sits on Darth Seider before eating it)  
Irn- Whhooo- hooooo!! Yeee- hah!  
Rineia- Damn. (Hands 5 quid over to Irn)  
Watt-3PO- And what about the rest of it, sir?  
Irn- Hey, YEAH!!!  
Rineia- (Hands over another 5 quid) Gee, thanks Watt-3PO, I thought he was too pissed to notice!  
  
And so the universe is saved once again from the clutches of the evil Darth Seider by a short circuited amputee, a dappy robot, squeaky droid, pilot, princess, ghostly father, wise little green thingy and a hungry, underfed hot dog loving big brown furry thing.  
  
Or is it?...  
  
(breath), (breath), (breath)  
  
THE END 


End file.
